*Tear*

Today my eyes sweated a bit. Various times through out this evening I attempted to hold it back. The moisture beads would come to the edge of my eyes but I'd try to stop them. Why? Because sometimes it feels like..... I don't even have the right words to complete this sentence. This sounds like a total broken record. As everyone I know and their mom are dealing with "emotional turmoil", many due to relationships, and god knows I've been able to avoid it all. To avoid the troubles of relationships since I've never really had any. But other crap sneaks up on you. Stress that your family loves to pile on. And I hate that I have to vent to this thing! But I can't even remember the last time I kinda cried. Cuz Jess doesn't cry. Jess is too strong. Jess is unbreakable. But today, she broke a bit. The stress I don't ask for, that none of us ever ask for, but still I suck it up, I answer the phone calls that come, I return the calls that I miss, I reply to the messages that are left and take the swats of it cuz others go and hide or are out of the vicinity for logistical reason or are too young or that you'd rather save others the trouble of having to deal with the stress because they have their own stress to deal with that any more stress would clearly push them into some hidden corner that is next door to oblivion. The stress I deal with because others decide to disappear. The stress I deal with because I am the product of a stubborn "slow moving in action" father and a nagging mother who's brilliant but can't physically do the stuff she wants to do and has to wait for the slow moving father to do anything. The stress I hold up because I'm "Jess." And somtimes, seriously, I will break. I will crumble. And today, was that day.

So this will be my first and hopefully last angry entry ever. If one of my entries are angry, you know sh*t has kinda hit the fan and no mercy will be allowed.
-There's never a time in a family when you decide you can't be a TEAM PLAYER and don't show up for the game. If you have to be sidelined, fine, but you still bring your butt to the game and cheer your team on. You don't ditch out on the game and go off and do your own thing and tell your team nothing

*It's one thing to feel alone when you don't show up. When you pull away from the team. But when you show up and you still feel alone. Then that's me. That doesn't seem logical. And that's why I cried tonight.